(Please read Part 2 first)
I eventually ended up back at my general doctor begging him to help me. At this point he was offering me ANY medicines that I wanted, basically saying there was no more he could do. But since my mom was a addict I did not want to just take medicines to be able to stomach the day I wanted to be better, I wanted to be NORMAL again. Unfortunately I ended up leaving with even more medicines that he said would “reset my brain” and these medicines did make it all better because I ended up feeling HIGH. I was giggly, carefree, free of dizziness, and my emotions were completely numb. These drugs were typically used to treat depression and anxiety, which was weird because he made it clear that I had neither of the two.
I found myself taking these pills every time I left the house to keep myself from being sick while I was out in public, with these pills I was able to make it through the day. Thats not what I wanted though, I wanted to not have to take pills to make it through the day. In fact I didn’t want to just make it through the day, I wanted to LIVE again. At this point I was at a new low because all I wanted to do was sleep all day, which is basically all that I did while John was at work and the kids were at school because I just couldn’t stomach anymore. I had spent almost six years of my life in and out of doctors trying to find out why I was dizzy and why movement and loud noises made me so sick. I spent thousands of dollars trying to get a clue what was wrong. I spent hours doing silly exercises at the physical therapist. More importantly I lost almost 6 years of time that I should have been enjoying with my family.
By this time Kentucky laws were getting extremely strict on narcotic medicines and who they were given to, my doctor was not thrilled by this. In fact many times he told me that he would give me the medicines anyway. Until December 2013 whenever I received a letter in the mail from my doctors office informing me that my doctor and his parter were retiring effective immediately. This came as a huge shock because I was seeing him each month and he never once mentioned.
Thats when I realized I would have to see the new doctors at this office and most likely be sent to a ton of specialist again. As you can imagine I dreaded making a new appointment with this new doctor because of this. Upon meeting this doctor he quickly determined that he was getting me off of that medicine that was making me numb to the world and instead giving me something for my anxiety that will help.
Wait, for my anxiety? I did NOT have anxiety. Thats whenever I went over my symptoms and over the years of doctors and medicines that I had been through and how none of any of that helped me. Im sure he could tell I was completely unsure of his diagnosis of me having anxiety. Im totally normal and I don’t have anxiety, Im just sick.
No way he was right because I didn’t have anxiety because anxiety is for crazy people right?
So once again I was left asking…. What the heck was wrong with me?!
To be continued….