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Oct 09

The car ride that changed it all // Part 2

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(Read Part 1 first )

 

I was expecting to feel better the next morning whenever I woke up, however I woke up feeling very much the same.

The next few days and weeks are a blur of doctors. Starting with my general doctor who thought it was just a bout of vertigo that would go away over the next few days or so, completely forgetting about the numbness in my hands. She sent me away with a prescription, and the hopes that this “thing” that was wrong with me would be gone soon. Though as the weeks passed I was aware that this wasn’t going away. In fact it had gotten so bad that I couldn’t go any where, because if I did I would get even more sick. The doctor had no idea what this was.

My life was at a standstill.

Eventually my general doctor told me that I needed to go to an ENT (ear, nose and throat doctor). Since it was a specialist I would have to wait a month or more before being able to get in for an appointment.

(Im going to jump ahead a little here)

Many months later and a battery of MRI’s, hearing tests and balance tests I had a diagnosis. It was a long word that I didn’t understand and couldn’t even pronounce, the doctor explained that I had some sort of vertigo. It might last forever, then again it might go away. Who knows. Now it was to start physical therapy and figure out which medicines would help me live a normal life. Eventually we did find a mix of medicine that did make things a little normal and a little more bearable, but I was never completely ok.

I still was not able to leave the house to do normal activities like shopping without getting very very ill, but by now I just accepted that this was as close to normal as I would ever get again. Because of being sick I wasn’t able to go on field trips with the kids, or take them to theme parks, or even just take them to get lunch because the noises and movement would make me very sick. I felt like I was swinging on a swing at all time, like the world was twirling around me and even the slightest noise was unbearable.

Fast forward to 2009 whenever we decided to move to Kentucky from Florida and I was sick the entire drive (which took two days with so many people and animals). By this point being sick was just part of my everyday life. I just came to accept that this was how my life was now, no fun, missing all the key parts of my kids growing up because I couldn’t leave my house. I was never diagnosed with depression but at this point Im pretty sure that I was depressed, I mean who wouldn’t be if they couldn’t no complete basic tasks like grocery shopping without getting sick.

Our move cost us a ton of money so a year after we moved to Kentucky I had to take a part time job at a local Walgreens. It wasn’t my ideal job by far but the store was quiet so I was able to stand being there for short periods. Eventually the dizziness and numbness was bearable, and after a few more months the dizziness was almost gone completely! FINALLY, I could go places and do stuff with my family that I had been missing out on!

Or so I thought until the first day of school in 2011 whenever John and I went to breakfast to celebrate the kids being back in school when a familiar spinning feelings and surge of heat came over me. All I could think was PLEASE DONT LET THIS HAPPEN AGAIN! I spent that day on the couch waiting for the day to pass so that it would be gone the next more. Once again it never went away so I had to go to my general doctor, who then sent me to another ENT, who then sent me to a neurologist who then sent me to a physical therapist. I ended up on a handful of drugs. Some were for headaches, others were for dizziness.

I remember being so terrified at these doctors appointments because at one point the stress had gotten so bad that my head was twitching non stop. With the ticks happening so often I was too embarrassed to even attempt to go out into public. Not to mention my doctor was baffled, in fact the only thing that he could figure that was causing all of this was multiple sclerosis. Yep, MS. I remember him telling me that even after all the tests coming back negative for MS that there was still a very good chance that I had MS and it just wasn’t showing up on my tests yet. That night I came home and googled MS, and cried until I couldn’t anymore.

Again I ask myself, What the heck is wrong with me?!

2 comments

1 ping

  1. Jules

    Living with a small host of chronic illnesses I can tell you- there is NOTHING worse than the “waiting for a diagnosis” part. I am so sorry that you had to go through it. I have found that I can live with pain, I can live with numbness and the “falling asleep” feeling and exhaustion (though barely on the exhaustion-lol) as long as I know what is wrong with me! At least then we can make a game plan, we can make life adjustments, we can face the diagnosis head on. Sending virtual hugs your way.

    1. Stephanie Rutledge

      Thank you so much for your kind words. Sometimes the feeling of just not knowing can be the very worst.

  1. The car ride that changed it all // Part 3 » Three Loud Kids

    […] read Part 2 […]

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