Handling The Cards

Today was my follow up appointment for my heart tests from earlier this week. I was hoping that they would find something wrong with my heart, and that I would finally have an answer to what was causing all of my dizziness and other problems.

That was not the case. The results came back that the right side of my heart is enlarged, but he said that it was probably because I am overweight. So he encouraged me to diet, and try to get my weight down. He wants it somewhere between what I am now, and what I was in high school. I was 105 pounds in high school, and I am 180 pounds right now- so now I am aiming for 140 (which was about my goal anyways, I have just been a lazy butt and not been eating right). That will fix my heart problem.

Back to the reason that he was even checking my heart: my constant dizziness and almost constant anxiety (this is new). Im sure I have mentioned it a bazillion times before as it has been going on nonstop since 2007, but basically I cannot go out and do anything because loud noises and a lot of movement makes everything spin, and typically resulting in a panic attack (though it did not always). So we do not often go to dinner, or go out and do fun things because it makes me very sick, with the exception of grocery shopping because if I didn’t go shopping we wouldn’t eat.

I have seen a ton of doctors, and for the most part they all think it has something to do with my ears, yet no one has done anything to make me be able to function from day to day. Today was no exception, since the heart tests were okay he basically asked what I wanted to do from here. I felt like screaming that I just want to feel normal for one freaking day, I did not though. I asked him for the hundredth time if he could give me the medicines that my original doctor gave me that helped some, and he finally agreed to do so. He also mentioned that I could go to the Mayo clinic for a full work up to see if they found something. But there was a good chance they would just say it was my ears too. So basically we would travel to Florida over the summer and I would go through a whole ton of tests in the hopes of getting a different result from them, possibly something that would be able to be found and treated. There is a larger chance though that we will spend all that money (that we do NOT have) to get down there for two months and one of two things will happen: 1. They will find whatever is wrong and finally fix it. 2. They will no be able to find anything and they will assume it is my ears as well and I would have just wasted 2 months and a ton of money.

As I see it right now, it just does not make sense to travel back home to Florida to have these tests done. So I guess I will just take the medicine and get back into eating healthy and losing weight, and hope that something changes. In the meantime I need to find a way to get up and function, because sitting around doing nothing is driving me literally insane.  I mean after all it COULD be worse, must…get…out…of…this…slump… and MOVE ON! I need to stop feeling hopeless, and just accept that this is the cards I was dealt and I have to find a way to manage. Somehow…